Monthly Archives: June 2015

How to Recognize Projector Bitterness

barbed wire fenceBitterness is like a barbed wire fence which gets erected when Human Design Projectors are not living as their true selves.  It keeps the true nature of the Projector locked behind a prickly, painful barrier which repel the people that they are here to serve.  As you probably already know, bitterness is the emotional theme Projectors experience when they are not following their strategy and authority… in Human Design speak… when they’re living their “not-self”.

If you’re a Projector struggling with recognizing bitterness when it shows up in your life, you’re not alone.  If you want to know why it can be a challenge to see it, read: Why You May Not Know You’re Bitter.

There are many ways to experience bitterness that may go unnoticed, or may be minimized due to the “icky” nature of the feelings.  But it’s important to identify it and own it for what it is.  I did some research on common definitions for bitterness and I want to share them with you here, so that you can get a better picture of how you may be experiencing it in your life:

Bitterness Definitions

  • Anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly
  • Distasteful or distressing to the mind
  • Sharply unpleasant
  • Stinging
  • Strong animosity
  • Resentment
  • Harshness
  • Pain
  • Grief
  • Distress

Where do you feel like a victim of unfair treatment?

What unpleasant or displeasing thoughts play over and over in our mind?

Where do you hold animosity toward another?

How are you living in harshness?

These questions will help you take inventory of the bitterness in your life.  Your ability to align with the magnificently empowered version of yourself that you came here to be, starts with recognizing the “icky”, shadow, flip side of your true Projector nature.  Own it and it loses its grip.  Own it to discover what keeps you from fully settling in to your strategy.  Own it to free yourself and move into the joy and success you’re here to have.

butterfly flowerThis is just a small part of what is covered in the Bitterness to Joy Program.  You’re invited to join us!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Importance of Recognition for Human Design Projectors

This is a personal share about an epiphany I had over the weekend.  Human Design Projectors are here to realize success by being recognized and invited by the right people into the things which allow them to use their gifts and talents to manage, guide and direct.  That’s not the epiphany.  As I’m sure that if you have been studying your design for a while, you already know this.  Success and the recognition / invitations which follow, usually come from mastering a system.  That’s not the epiphany either.  You, like me, may have studied and mastered a lot of systems.  But if something is missing for you, something that makes you feel like you’re not in a place where you fully live in the success you have achieved, this epiphany may make things clearer for you.

Here’s my epiphany:

It’s important as a Projector to have formal recognition for the system you master.  Maybe if you have a lot of individual circuitry in your chart this is not so important (I’m not sure). But I realized this weekend, while sharing Human Design at a ministerial conference where a few ministers were being awarded Doctoral degrees, that it’s not enough for me to master what I study.  I actually need to be formally recognized for it among people who truly see me…. a room full of flesh and bones people who are there to celebrate my success and really get what it means to have achieved the accomplishment.  Maybe you already know this and have done this.  For me it was a deep recognition of myself and what I know at the core of my heart to be the missing piece to feeling ultimately successful.

group recognition

For years I denied that need… perhaps not even recognizing that it was a need … because I kept trying to believe that the formal recognition and celebration aren’t important.  And meanwhile I moved from thing to thing, mastering to a certain degree this technique and that approach, but never getting to where I felt I arrived.  It’s the story of the gate 48 … studying everything under the sun because you don’t feel you know enough.  The truth is I have felt that I have known enough for quite a while actually, but a persistent sense of incompletion has nagged me ever since I quit a Masters Degree program midstream 30 years ago to lick the wounds of a broken heart.  All of these years I have managed to realize some success through studies that allowed me to work around not having that one piece of paper that says “Yes I do know what I know and I mastered it”. As time went on, the formalized programs which would give me the opportunity to complete that degree stopped speaking to me.  And that’s where I picked up the belief that perhaps the recognition wasn’t important.

Then as I sat in that room with those Doctoral candidates over the weekend, the understanding came.  I am a master already, but not one that formalized academic study would recognize without me jumping through a whole bunch of other hoops and overworking myself to learn things I don’t care about to prove what I already know.  This is not something my deconditioning undefined will center feels like doing.  But still the need for formal recognition exists.  When I attended the Doctoral confirmation ceremony I finally realized that my perspective has been too limited. It’s not that I don’t need the recognition for my mastery, it’s just that the mastery has gone beyond the limits of what I think of as formal recognition.  It’s not that I need to complete a degree… or any degree.  It’s that I need to complete the degree that is reflective of the heights I am achieving.  I need to  be formally celebrated and supported by my people in a way where my gate 48 can’t deny that I’m ready, I know and I’m prepared.

The weekend was filled with recognition like I had never experienced before.  One person even thought that she had ordained me into the ministry last year.  I met people whom I know I was destined to meet.  And I made connections at a deep heart level with people I already know and people I had just met.  And then I remembered the invitation I received over a year ago to become a part of this organization.  At the time, my defined head and ajna rejected it because I am already an ordained minister.   Why would I need another accolade like that?  And now I know that I was not being invited to achieve the accolade but to receive the recognition and support from the right group of people, and to allow myself to be fully acknowledged for the mastery I am attaining.

When I shared with some friends that I am pondering the possibility of getting a Doctorate of Divinity, my left brained finally accepted my need for this type of recognition.  … the right brain was already convinced through the feel of the experience … An advanced degree automatically opens doors that just don’t exist before you get the degree.  For a Projector whose success depends on having doors opened for them, it’s only logical to pursue something that would open those doors.

If you’re waiting on doors to open, it may be that you need to pursue your passions in a way that allow you to receive formal recognition from your people. It may be that you need to achieve new heights, not in what you know, but in how you are recognized for who you are. It could take some time to line this up from the inside… to emerge into your true self and to be seen and invited.  It’s my hope that by sharing this, it won’t take you as long as it took me to accept how important recognition is to your success.

You’re invited to share your experiences with success and formal recognition.  Do you feel you need it in order to succeed?  

Why You May Not Know You’re Bitter

A lot of Human Design Projectors struggle with the concept of bitterness.  And the question that often comes up in the Projector community is “How do I know if I’m bitter?”.

You would think we would know right?  But believe it or not, most forms of Projector bitterness go unnoticed.  They get internalized to the point where we hide them from ourselves.  So initially it could be hard to root out bitterness and see it for what it is.  We all know about the ugly, vindictive, hateful word hurdling, resentment festering forms of expression that bitterness can take.  But because many of us are high functioning human beings, our expression or experience of bitterness may be so refined and hidden that even we, who harbor it innately in our systems, can’t spot it for what it is.

Why You May Not Know You’re Bitter

Social conventions don’t allow us to walk around spewing hate and discontent indiscriminately out into the atmosphere… that is if we want to be liked and noticed for the good that we put into the world.  And Projectors very much want to be noticed… i.e. recognized. And we very much want to put good into the world.  Actually our auras are constantly putting good, or whatever we’re radiating, directly into other people.  We are naturally created to be helping beings who need other people to accept our wisdom and assistance.  So for the most part, we have learned that the only way to do what we do and get what we need is to be nice and sweet.

Well niceness and sweetness only go so far when you’re around people who don’t get you.  But we don’t always have avenues to express the true feelings that surface when our helpfulness or our very being is not fully accepted, understood or recognized.  Even if we recognize our feelings, we may not have the self esteem or self compassion to manage ourselves in the midst of the harshness we’re experiencing.  There also may not be an outlet for our responses and emotions even if we are managing them.  So they accumulate and become almost an entity within themselves.  We split them off from who we believe ourselves to be.  This is often called the “shadow” in psychology and personal growth world.

If you’re grappling with seeing how bitterness shows up in your life, think back to the last time someone cut you off in mid-sentence or talked over you.  Or try to remember a time when you were expressing yourself and the other person in the room just didn’t hear you.  What did you feel?  If it was unpleasant it was probably bitterness.  The bigger question is what did you do with that feeling?  If you got louder, indignant or angry,  this is bitterness in it’s full expression.  If you swallowed your pain or tried to ignore it, you cast those feelings into the shadows of your awareness.

What would it be like to be relaxed and happy for real?  … to find yourself naturally gravitating toward people who stop and listen to you, rather than cut you off … to no longer be affected by those family members and old relationships where you felt you had to either suck it up and shut up or endure the wrath of endless battles to be seen?

Bitterness can be like a poison when you aren’t recognizing it.  It can take you down when it lurks in the shadows.  It’s like a silent killer of the joy, vitality and natural attractiveness that is so essential for Projectors to live.

Are you pretending to be happy, light and free because you were told you need to enjoy your life while you’re waiting?  Are you fed up with pretending?

You’re invited to join us for the “Bitterness to Joy” created especially for Projectors.

June Projector Teleconference

You are Invited to Listen to the Replay

The Human Design Projector topics during this call were varied.  They included…

  • Info about the Bitterness to Joy Program :                                    http://humandesignprojector.com/gravity-landing/bitterness-to-joy/
  • Relationships
  • Clarifying the parameters of invitations
  • Even though I have an open spleen and an open will center I don’t have a problem with lateness or keeping promises.  Why?
  • Conserving energy
  • Resources for learning more about colors / tones / motivation / transference: http://www.bhantugh.com
  • How do I recognize bitterness?

Optional Contribution: Participation in the teleconference is open to all Human Design Projectors free of charge. The opportunity to make a small monetary contribution is available as an option if you would like to exchange this type of energy to express gratitude and enhance the flow of prosperity in your life. Your optional contribution is greatly appreciated and goes help offset the cost of delivering these teleconferences. 

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