Category Archives: Projector Experiences

IMBOLIC , the Projector, and ROI – Human Projector Experience

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Fellow Projectors:

I’ve been meaning to write you for a while- but I guess it wasn’t “time” yet. Lol.

As synchronicity would have it, Sandy and I connected (on Imbolic (more on that later) and caught up. We discussed our recent “professional” shifts and the “projector” challenges we both (many of us I imagine) share.

As we spoke (or rather-chatted on Messenger) I felt that sweet energy to write a piece about my own journey as of late (it’s been brewing for a while)- and then I vowed to send her an article. How fabulous it was for me when I then read her new article about ROI (Return on Investments)!!!!- WOW –did that hit home and felt like a beautiful segue/affirmation into my own musings.

As many of you know, I am an artist, teacher and Expressive Arts Therapist and a lover (read: student/teacher-champion ) of all things Astrology/Myth and Human Design. Back in 2012 my whole world (mostly professional –but it all collides doesn’t it ?) collapsed. I had just recently discovered Human Design ,and as I’m apt to do- DOVE into that Human Design rabbit hole wholeheartedly. I discovered that I am an emotional projector (5/1)(throat,G,solar and root defined) AND I discovered how much de-conditioning my being would need before this “strategy and authority “ business would make any sense. All the while- my position as Art Director/Art Teacher (in a public charter school) was being pulled out from under me…..

Concurrently, Mighty Chiron (the wounded healer) was just then transiting my natal chart. In retrospect , it was absolutely NECESSARY and a GREAT BLESSING- but that was only for me discover much later in hindsight –of course!

Chiron for those of you who may be unfamiliar , is a centaur/asteroid discovered in 1977 and metaphorically represents where we have been deeply wounded – AND where we (thru Chiron’s wisdom) now have the capacity to heal. He “returns” in our chart (to the place where he was when we were born) around the age of 48-49. In my astrology chart Chiron sits in my second house (house of values) in Pisces. Now the REALLY cool thing is in my Human Design chart He sits in Gate 37 and makes a channel with all my Gate 40 mojo (Uranus and Pluto !!!) . When Chiron returns to our chart AND makes a channel with an otherwise “dangling gate” that center then becomes DEFINED. So, all of the sudden (well- not really –but you know what I mean) I had a defined ego-heart center.

I hit the de-conditioning aspects HARD (despite being warned not to) as I had 2 very powerful Foundational Readings (cuz, one just isn’t enough for me- LOL), learned about my asteroid Goddesses in my chart from the brilliant Kim Gould (having multiple readings with her), had my first PHS session AND had just had an astrological reading with the wonderful Caroline Casey !! Needless to say I spent a whole lot of money – which was exactly what I wanted to do. I INVESTED heavily on the front end of all of this. But, my reasoning was that I could spend the money because I had a secure job (teacher salary on top step + a masters pulls in about 65K here). Admittedly, I was (and still am working on this) not very money savvy. I come from a family of very money savvy GENERATORS, but for me, money was never a motivator to do anything –it was just a means to an end- mostly to afford all the cool internal investigations I wanted to invest in (ok and have great clothes and hair products- LOL) Did I mention that I am also a single mom –whose ex never contributed to the fiscal (or emotional) well-being of me and my son? (that’s another story- for another time.).

So then it happened (like literally on the Ides of March). I found out that my Principal was going to eliminate my position. Without boring you with the grisly details- let’s just say there was a LOT of underhand maneuverings, and I eventually did seek the advice of a lawyer (which then helped to “buy” me a year before I was eliminated)-

BUT from a projector lens here’s what really happened:

The “invitation” I was originally given (back in 2003) from the charter school was from the first Head of Schools, and he definitely sought me out. Like- actually approached me (in the playground one day as I was picking up my son)to head up the Arts Department (which did not yet exist –as the school was the first charter school here in RI) This was before I knew anything about my “projector” wiring -BUT the invitation DID feel good (sort oflol). What is even more interesting for me NOW (14 years later)- is how even back then, there was something disconcerting about the whole thing. It had this “too good to be true” ring to it. We all later found out that our fearless leader was sort of a conman /emperor with no clothes sort of a deal. He left his position (in the dark of the night) ,and the woman who became his successor (who became my new boss) inherited me – as a Director of an Arts program that she really had no interest in supporting. You get the gist- I was energetically un-invited – in a BIG way.

Now at this point I was making good money- but I had major bills and student loans to pay, and my kid was in his own adolescent horrible funk (AND he went to the school that I now taught at and he was ALWAYS “in trouble” .) Everyday I prayed, journaled , did tarot spreads, meditated – YOU NAME IT – I DID IT. But I was perpetually pushing up that heavy (read: BITTER) boulder of absolutely NO RECOGNITION despite everything I was doing to bring the arts to our kids and beautify our school (which by the way- I DID DO AN AMAZING JOB- lol). Oh- and just to make this oh so very poignant-I later discovered that the asteroid Sisyphus is exactly conjunct my Pallas Athene in my Eighth House (other peoples’ money- and SECRETS) in Gate 32 (making a channel with my Design South Node)- and when all this metaphoric shit was hitting the fan- He was actually conjunct my Sun (gate 44) in my progressed chart. (that IS definitely grist for the asteroid article mill I am contemplating..)  

Ok. You all get the point. So, for a good 7 years I tried and tried to be the “good generator” despite my true projector nature. I was tired and sad and very bitter. But if you had said that to me 10 years ago I would have balked at that “bitter” word as that is one thing I (and so many of us projectors and WOMEN) in general are trained NEVER TO BE- or admit to being. I was laid off in 2013, and I was sure the PERFECT invitation was right around the corner…..It wasn’t. BUT here’s the GIFT. With no juicy invitations- I learned (ever so painfully sometimes) how to take responsibility for my own JOY and well-being. I was forced to truly WALK my TALK and everyday I went to my favorite café and created art and sipped on good coffee. EVERYDAY. Slowly (“slowly, went the sloth”…) that bitter barbed –wire energetic fence surrounding my auric field (THANK YOU Sandy for your Bitterness to Joy class – that barbed-wire imagery stuck with me (no pun intended – lol- yes, I crack myself up ) began to dissolve.

Friends and family generously assisted me financially and I slowly, slowly discovered my “inner authority/genius” that of course was there all along (#Dorothy) . I’m not going to say it was easy. I’m not going to say I still don’t have occasional backslides into bitterness- BUT I will say this (unequivocally) WAITING has become my friend.

ALL that ‘INVESTING” in myself- my art, my process, my studies (I am a 5/1 profile after all- I gotta go deep (or go home) – PAID OFF.

Imbolic is the cross-quarter ancient Celtic celebration of MidWinter. The Goddess in her Brigit/Inventor/sacred story-teller SELF has awoken from her winter slumber and will soon be emerging as Spring (of course here in the Northern Hemisphere). Metaphorically , I feel Imbolic to truly represent the projectors’ journey. We are awakened and preparing to emerge (with those juicy invitations) – like Spring herself who calls forth the blooming and growing after months of waiting. The ground beneath is not inert , but rather just gathering energy and wisdom – NOR are we projectors –“inert” as we are waiting. We are, when in our authentic nature- waiting in a state of JOY and creative activities. For me- that creative passion comes out in my journals, paintings and musings- we are all unique. Our only “job” is to discover what gives us joy and then –do it. And then- the juicy invitations and recognitions FIND US.

I am currently still creating art and now am the Assistant Manager at Blick Art Supplies in Providence, RI. The store that I work at is literally across the street from the café that I spent (and still spend) everyday (for 2 years) journaling in. I never in a MILLION years could have predicted (or thought I would even desire) this current career trajectory. Turns out- I LOVE selling art supplies(for now) to people. Turns out- I’m really quite good at it. Turns out I don’t miss teaching little kids at all AND without any pushing or prodding, I’ve already been “recognized” by my new “employer” as they chose me for their “Artist Serving Artist” program and even filmed me- you can see it on my newly designed website.  Crazy, huh?

So, there you go- a tiny snippet of my conscious projector journey thus far. I am very grateful for all you fellow projectors (Judi, Sandy, Sandi, Lynne, Monica and Maria –just to name a few) who have encouraged and supported me (in all kinds of wondrous ways) – we surely need each other – now, more than ever. I invite you all to check out my new website (thanks to Judi Spiers for building the framework and Maria Lyra for bringing my vision into an amazing virtual reality) you can find me at : www.thejournalqueen.com

My Projector Career Experience and the Direction of This Blog

CB055359It has been a while since I posted here. As a Human Design Projector with no throat definition, my ability to express myself in verbal form is inconsistent at best. In 2016 I surrendered to that, and just allowed myself to post when the energy was truly there to do it.

I surrendered to a lot of things about my design (and the direction of my life) in 2016, and it lead me to a clearer understanding of how you can be better served through this blog. Many of you have been talking to me over the past few years about your money and career concerns. To be honest I didn’t have much to offer you in the way of personal wisdom, because I was in the midst of discovering a lot of things that didn’t work. My 3/5 profile portrays me as one who discovers all those things that don’t work so that I can share practical solutions with others. That also leads others to misinterpret or project upon me the expectation that I have the answers. This simply is not true… as those of you who have known me for a while have probably come to discover.

What is true is that I do have experiences which could benefit you. I have been reluctant to share for fear that I might be burned at the stake when whatever I was trying was not working out. But it doesn’t serve the exchange of our energies to keep these experiences (for better or for worse) to myself. So in 2017 I am trying a new experiment. I am going to share with you some of the things that are going on in my work and business life, so that you … if you have been asking … can get a picture of how this 3/5 Splenic Projector with the Right Angle Cross of Service bumps through life’s career opportunities via invitation.

What Happened in 2016

Prior to 2016 I was working hard to try and figure out how to grow an online Human Design coaching practice as a solo practitioner. My endeavor was accompanied by a lot of ups and downs in income, an inconsistent voice and vision, and a struggle to maintain my energy without overworking. I knew that the Generator model for building business was not going to work for me, but at times I was in a big quandary as to how to do this business of mine in a way that is correct for a Projector. As a result of this dilemma, much of my time in front of the computer was fraught with the paralysis of just not knowing what to do next. Have you ever been there?

At the same time, there were family pressures to make more money. I left a steady income (although it was a relatively low income for my skill) of doing massage, to pursue my dream to serve others in a different, less physically demanding way. My husband and I had also been talking about building a new home for a while, and this project would require both of our incomes. When I left massage (the second time around… I left it once and then came back to it.) I really felt that the money would come through my online business passions. It didn’t … not to the level that was needed. And I found myself working harder than a Projector should to keep this dream alive. Much to my husband’s frustrations, we would not build our home in 2016, because my income was not at the place where it needed to be to take the next step.

At the end of 2015 my husband suggested that I would probably be good at selling real estate… He encouraged me to try it to see if I could make enough money to help us get over the hump of new home construction. Initially my ego was offended, and my mind had a field day with this new possibility… “How could he not see that my true love and dream is to be of service to others with Human Design and coaching?”  “My gifts are not like others”… my ego said. “How dare he suggest that I do something different  than the way I think I should do it”…

But here’s what I learned about how my defined head and ajna can work against my splenic authority. I tend to have a lot of pre-conceived notions and fixed ideas about who I think I am. My undefined G center indicates that nothing could be farther from the truth. Yet these notions somehow make me feel secure … It’s like I think I have a fixed identity or something. Then, in comes the small still voice of the spleen. It is truly a primal instinctive response with a split second trigger. When my husband made the suggestion of using my talents in a different way, my head raged on with thoughts of how I was being misunderstood. And while the thinking part of me clung stubbornly to its own ideas, beneath the surface my spleen spoke quietly. It almost felt as though my ears perked up. If I had been a bunny in the woods you could have seen it happen. For just a second or two his suggestion / pre-invitation caught the attention of my instincts. There were no words with this response, just recognition that this was important.

So then my mind conceded, as long as certain conditions were met. It’s funny how the mind needs conditions in order to feel in control. If I did it I would have to go with a certain real estate agency … one that I recognized years ago as a place that I would want to work if I ever got into real estate. (I guess that real estate had been on my unconscious bucket list for a while). I would need to be well trained and well supported. I would continue with my Human Design and coaching work. I would not enter into it unless there was a clear invitation. The last condition was true knowing and recognition. The rest of it was monkey mind blah blah.

For Projectors, opportunities need to be facilitated and invitations need to be direct. My husband was willing to foot the bill for my training, licensure and expenses as I got up and running. A real estate agent I bumped into a while back facilitated the opportunity for me to be interviewed by his agency (which was my agency of choice). A direct invitation did come during that interview. My splenic authority spoke when I felt recognized, and I recognized that this was a good place for me.

But I was also very aware that I was being invited into the training ONLY… not necessarily into the work. Much of 2016 was a huge education in observing the integration all of my skills, knowledge and gifts. I learned to streamline my coaching business, and actually made just as much profit as I did the year before with a lot less effort and worry.  On top of that, I actually sold some houses! I was using my coaching skills in a different and rewarding way to help people purchase a home. And I was sharing Human Design with those agents who wanted to know about it.

Then the tide began to shift in the early fall, and that invitation to learn started to fade. After I sold two homes, I had a really clear idea of what wasn’t working for me in the real estate arena. The lead generation … I still cringe at the word generation, and the paperwork were both draining me. Actually I wasn’t doing much lead generation, because it simply wasn’t correct for me to do it in the way I was trained. I was confused about how to attract people who wanted to buy homes from me in a way that I could use my energy correctly. In fact I didn’t “generate” those two clients who bought the two homes I sold. They were referred to me by another agent. That felt good, but wasn’t a reliable way to create income. Those opportunities are hit or miss unless you’re on a team which does a lot of the lead generation for you. The other aspect of the real estate business that exhausted me was the pressure of getting the paperwork right as you go through a transaction on your own.  If I was to stay in the business, someone would need to to position me so that clients could easily invite me. And then I would need to be free of the exhausting drudgery of paperwork. It’s kind of a tall order right? Keep reading to find out what happened.

As an aside to the real estate story, around the same time that I was getting clear about my future in real estate, I was invited to take the BG5 Business Institute Foundation Training. The training illuminated a lot about how I’m designed to have a career. It also helped me to become very clear about what I needed in order to thrive in the real estate profession.

So back to real estate … I waited and watched for the kind of support I knew I needed. I wanted to be on a team… the right team with the right people and the right Projector-friendly business model. I didn’t see it. Most teams are highly driven versions of the “make it happen, work, work, work” environment that would catapult a sacral being with lots of motors into millionaire real estate status. So I avoided that option like the plague. But those teams which were seemingly laid back were not giving me the time of day. I know now that when an invitation isn’t forthcoming the worst thing that I can do it to try an engineer one.

My motto… If there’s no invitation there’s nothing to do… just wait and be ready.

Just when I was seriously thinking of giving up my license, the right invitation to join a team came! Remember that up to that point I had only had an invitation to learn. Now I needed an invitation to contribute and collaborate. And that’s where I am today… preparing to join a brand new, very small team, whose primary motive is to cultivate an environment where everyone earns a sufficient income and is able to enjoy their lives.

The Direction of This Blog

So what does all of this have to do with the direction of this blog? It seems like there may be things that I can share from my experience… for better or for worse … which may help you in your career journey. So you may be reading a lot on this blog about how a Projector thrives in the mainstream business of real estate.

I may also share some things I’m learning about the online world of business. My online business grew tremendously in 2016 in visibility and stability. New awarenesses are emerging about how to best use my energy.. how to put in less work effort and receive more abundance. There are many take-aways from this journey in two business worlds that I really want to share with you.

You will also begin to get more information about my experiences with the BG5 program. At this point I feel like I want to continue moving toward becoming a certified BG5 consultant. It is such a practical way to share the wisdom of Human Design. But it’s not going to happen overnight. Eventhough I still do Human Design readings and my coaching is often focused on career and business, I am nowhere close to being qualified to provide the service of a BG5 consultant. So if you want to be illuminated, as I was, about how you can have career success as a Projector, you can get started by either taking the foundation training or order your Success Code Report.

The Power of Silence for Human Design Projectors

SilenceWe all talk about how important it is for a Human Design Projector to wait to be recognized before speaking so as to not waste their precious energy.  It is is one thing to talk about being silent and it is another thing altogether to actually practice and see the results. Over in the Bitterness to Joy Facebook group there has been some discussion about what happens when a Projector practices the discipline of silently watching and waiting. Here is an exchange I had with one of the group participants as she shared the results.

C Wrote:  

“…I’ve been self contained, smiling and doing ‘lots’ of listening lately. I’ve been so quiet at work for weeks now. It has been difficult but the payoffs are great. I’ve had two very shy colleagues come up and compliment me, out of the blue. They radiated warmth and sincerity, it meant so much. Going against my exuberant nature felt awful at first but now I am getting used to it and I am finding the benefit of NO frustration because I’m not being ignored or rejected. I can’t be if I’m not saying much. … Also, I am liking myself more and looking more ‘inward’ for rewards, rather than outwards, from others. Confidence, a ‘quiet’ confidence is way up.”

My Response:

“…awesome practice! The great conundrum for Projectors is to be self-contained while also being here for others. I think that since we are naturally here for others, through the nature of our auras, the discipline of self containment adds to the power of our auric presence. It’s kind of a slippery balance between not being able to know ourselves fully, and embracing the preciousness of what we exude enough to contain it and wait. It’s kind of like what I said in the profiles class about the projection field of the 2. Same is probably true for Projectors in general. When we pull the energy in by waiting, watching and being in a stance of receptivity, it creates a dynamic which pushes the energy out in a very powerful and attractive way. C… I think you’re seeing this power in how your aura managed to bring some very shy people out of their shells.”

I kind of doubt … that you have abandoned your exuberance altogether, and I’m wondering how you see your potency now that you have adopted this discipline?”

C’s Answer:

re: the shy colleagues, it was also a reminder of how scary, or overwhelming the old, more exhuberant and intellectual self could be , maybe other projectors too, to the quieter, more shy generators of the world.

My Reply:

“We do not know our own strength”


You are truly more powerful than you know, and your ability to affect others often requires no words!  How is your experiment with silence and waiting going?  Please share with us in the comments box…

Undefined Sacral Gone Wild – Projector Exhaustion

You have probably figured out that as a Human Design Projector with an undefined or open sacral center it’s really difficult to know when enough is enough.  This note was roughed out last week while I was waiting for my car to be serviced.  It is an attempt to chronicle and share my experience with Projector exhaustion before the freshness of it left me.

Thursday February 4, 2014

It is Thursday morning.  My undefined sacral has been on a binge of activity since 3:45 am on Wednesday.  In the past 30 hours I have had about 9 hours of sleep… 5 hours last night and 4 hours the night before.  But instead of feeling that I am at the crashing point I feel more like I’m compulsively driven to keep going.  This is a dangerous place for a Human Design Projector.  My undefined sacral could easily continue to take in and amplify the sacral energy of others, eventually burning me completely out, if I let it.  I will not let that happen, because I am aware of the dynamic, and will bring myself down to a place of balance over the next couple of days.  But first permit me to share how this happened….

My Generator husband, who works away from home 3 weeks at a time, had to leave on a 5:20 flight on Wednesday morning.  I am his designated driver.  So at 3:45 we were up and headed for the car.  When I returned home I immediately went back to bed, but was unable to sleep.  My Manifesting Generator stepson who is a senior in high school, was up early doing his homework.  Even though he was doing his best to be quiet, the energy of his 3 motors which connect to his throat permeated the house.  There was no way I was going back to sleep.  It turned out that my stepson did’t feel well, and as the sun rose, he needed to discuss his need to go to the doctor and stay home from school.

exhausted catI normally have a ritual on “change-over day”… the day my husband goes back to work, which involves resting, rebooting and doing a general energy cleanse of his sacral influence.  It requires that I have at least a few hours alone during the day to discharge and release energy.  Needless to say that didn’t happen.  Here’s what did happen … Being all revved up from exhaustion and the extra infusion of motorized energy in the house (from my stepson’s unexpected stay at home) I was extremely active during the day.  When I get over-tired I get really active (unless my root pulse goes off … which it didn’t).  So Thursday was filled with activity.  I even took our dog for a long walk, did grocery shopping and created a video.  Well around midnight I finally made myself get ready for bed.  But guess what happened when I got in bed?  You guessed it… I couldn’t sleep!  It was after 1:00 when I finally got to sleep.  And just like clockwork, our dog awakened me at 7:00 this morning to go outside.

As I lay in bed early this morning trying to grab a few more moments of rest before getting up for my car appointment, I had that scrambled in the head kind of feeling … like part of my brain was on overdrive, part of it was sleeping and part of it was sputtering on and off.  I knew I pushed myself past the point of no return.  It feels like my body just isn’t right… like my ability to think and be alert is only partially functioning.  My body is tired but feels unable to slow down.  In general it feels like all my parts are sputtering along in several different directions.  A total collapse would feel welcome at this point, but that’s not how it normally goes for me.  It’s like I have to car that lost it’s brakes down a steep hill for a while until I can find a place to pull over. If I don’t pull myself gently over, I will have a total collapse which will take weeks for me to recover.

So I could blame my imbalance and exhaustion on my husband’s early flight, or the presence of my stepson when I needed alone time.  But, truth be told, I set myself up way ahead of time.  A week before my husband’s departure I got lazy about sleeping in my own space, and decided to sleep in the same bed with my husband.  (If you didn’t know about sleeping alone to keep your aura clear … it is really worth the experiment)  Sometimes I can get away with this practice when I go to bed several hours before my night owl husband and awaken and get out of bed several hours before him.  But this time our clocks were synchronized and I was retiring later and sleeping later than usual.  So by the time we got to Tuesday night (the night before he left) when we had to go to bed early, I had trouble sleeping.  I attempted to unwind before he came to bed, but it was too late.  I could feel how I wasn’t ready to sleep.  And I could feel how his motorized energy was affecting me.  I could feel how my energy field wasn’t fully discharged.  The truth was that, because I had not been discharging my energy all along I was half full already!

So the moral of the story? … Practice impeccable self-care and sleep hygiene at all times…

Exhaustion on couch

I know… easier said than done right?  Well the next best thing I can do is to turn this around before it gets too much more out of hand.  The next 2 days are going to be recalibration days where I consciously unplug, bring myself down and discharge my “undefined sacral gone wild” It starts with an epsom salts bath when I get home …. doing only what absolutely needs to be done in my business and around the house…. getting to sleep early tonight  by getting cozy in bed waaaayyyy before my planned bedtime… relaxing and drinking chamomile tea.  Then tomorrow morning I will spend a luxurious amount of time in bed… reading … relaxing … stretching… then follow up with another epsom salt bath.  And what about the presence of the triple motorized Manifesting Generator?  My sweet, sensitive stepson got a tv for his bedroom for Christmas …hallelujah!  One of these days I’ll write about how he actually needs all that noise and activity to thrive.  But for tonight I will ask him to take his activity to his room so I can have some space to come back to me.

For another great article about Projector exhaustion Click Here

Extreme Projector Exhaustion

Human Design Projector, Wanda Henke, Shares Her Story of Exhaustion and Recovery:

Hi everyone! I thought I would share my experience with extreme projector exhaustion. I’m sharing now because I want to encourage those of you who are also feeling this – it can get better if you allow yourself enough time to recuperate.

exhaustion revisedEven though I learned about Human Design about 5 years ago, I really did not understand the exhaustion piece for projectors until recently. I’m in my mid 60s, so I have been living like a Generator trying to be a Manifestor for a long time. I was extreme in my desire to outwork everyone else. Of course, I was just trying to get that recognition that we projectors need and want so badly. I retired from my latest career as a high school math teacher last July. I had not planned to retire at this time – I really could not afford to retire – but the situation at my school became untenable. I was teaching full-time at a public high school and part-time at my state’s online public high school. Once I retired, I could not work for the state at all for 6 months. I was really scared about the money piece, but by the time I actually stopped working, I was so exhausted I could hardly breathe. I had been exhausted for years, but I had kept pushing because I felt I had to.

I won’t go into details about my finances because I don’t want to remind myself of that negative energy, but basically it was a total collapse. The good news is that after 6 months of almost total rest, I finally feel like I will be able to “live” again. I have spent a lot of time – sometimes many days in a row – doing nothing but watching movies or old TV shows. Reading a book took too much energy. I fought this need to do absolutely nothing at first. I told myself a week was enough, then a month was enough. Finally after I got into this course (The Projector’s Survival Study Program) and listened to the recordings I gave in and decided not to worry about whether or not I looked “weak” to my relatives and not to worry about whether or not I would have enough money to meet the few obligations I had left. I allowed myself to do nothing – for days on end. I just listened to my spleen and did only those things I felt like doing.

Gradually, I began to do some reading and studying instead of TV. I had one thing that I did each week that took all day and was exhausting, but it was not something I could give up. At first, I would sit for 3 or 4 days and do nothing after this trip. The recovery time became less and less as the weeks went by. About 2 weeks ago, I decided to do some errands the day after my trip. I was very pleasantly (surprised) to find that I was not exhausted. I started to get some real inspiration and about 2 weeks ago, I had a vision of the perfect next venture for me. I had this idea when I originally decided to retire, but at that time it seemed like it would be too slow to make money and too much work to accomplish. Now it seems like it will just flow and I don’t feel any struggle. I know the money will come as it needs to. That part is already starting. When I contacted the online school to let them know that my 6-month exile was over, they were excited to have me back and asked me to teach 2 sections this semester. This is the perfect amount of work for a projector and will allow me to move up from survival while I start to put the pieces of my new venture in place. I’m doing my new venture as a projector – I will just do what I love to do and let those who want to partake of my wisdom come to me. Life is good and getting better!  🙂

If you are just starting to recover from Projector Exhaustion – it will get better if you just allow yourself time to recover!

Wanda HenkeWanda currently teaches high school math online with the North Carolina Virtual Public School. She retired last summer from teaching math face to face. Prior to teaching math, Wanda was an earthquake engineer. She and her husband developed a soil testing device used in earthquake engineering applications. Wanda found Human Design about 5 years ago, but did not really start trying to understand the implications of being a Projector until about 6 months ago. Wanda feels that Human Design is the key to successfully using all the wonderful self-improvement tools that we have today. Her first goal is to understand and love the unique person that she is.

Discovering Human Design – A Projector’s Experience – By Andrea Abay-Abay

Reposted with permission.  The original article can be found on the Jovian Archive website.

 width=I was invited into Human Design a few years ago by someone who guessed I was a Generator from what he knew of me. He ran my chart, which showed I was one of a new Type of human that started appearing here in 1781 – a Projector. He then said emphatically “You NEED to know this stuff!”. I ordered the Definitive Book of Human Design, got a reading, and my deconditioning journey began.

Since discovering Human Design, I have listened to and watched thousands of hours material, mainly from the Jovian Archive Media Library in the free as well as paid areas of the site, but also learning through many personal readings, coaching sessions and taking classes from certified analysts like Genoa Bliven, Kumud KabirDarshana Matthews, Becky Markley, Lasita Shalev and Carol Zimmerman.

I just re-took the foundation classes with Bethi Black at an in-person Human Design Intensive in Mount Shasta. This training blew me away in terms of my understanding of how I really am designed to function. Though I loved the convenience of the online foundation classes I’d taken over a year, now that I was more comfortable with the terminology, condensing that knowledge into a shorter time span and adding the in-aura interaction into my process allowed for a breakthrough in my understanding that I needed and am incredibly grateful for.

Some Human Design material I have reviewed several times over to absorb deeper meaning. Human Design uses the English language creatively to interpret the energy present in a graphical representation synthesizing major exoteric and esoteric sciences in order to understand the forces that make us who we are. Despite my years of study, after this week’s Intensive I feel like I just woke up to my design and am hearing so many things as if for the very first time. I’m in awe as I observe my body’s movements and have a visceral feeling of the practical applications that the Human Design System has in my life.

I know I can remember now to follow my Projector strategy of waiting to be recognized and invited into the big decisions in life – those critical, life altering decisions of where to live, who to love, what to do for work. I know I can wait now for clarity over time through the emotional wave of my defined solar plexus before actually moving forward with those big decisions.


 width=I see now how open and vulnerable I was to the conditioning field of the people around me and the way that I was raised. My own incompetence (though I blamed it on others) made me into something I was not. In my over-eagerness to please the people I loved, to prove myself and to be loved, trying to be what I was not led me to living a negatively conditioned “Not-Self” life. My expectations of myself and the expectations of others were pressures I forced myself to meet and if I couldn’t… well, I sure didn’t handle it gracefully, to say the very least.

As a Not-Self human I rarely made decisions from a place of calm or clarity – my decisions were generally impulsive, when I was either very up or very down emotionally. I ended up regretting so many of them very, very deeply – some of these decisions haunted me for years. I am designed to make mistakes and learn from them, but boy, some of my learning experiences were doozies and I would not wish them on anyone. 

Despite the innate resilience that is hard-wired into my design, I got to the point where I nearly killed myself. With similar chart aspects to the recently self-deceased Robin Williams, (“Individual circuitry”, “Split Definition” and “Emotionally Defined”), I had huge waves of powerful emotions, never felt whole when I was alone and often experienced the melancholy and sometimes depression that pulses through my being.

The ache of an individual without the ability to express it’s uniqueness can drain the life out of you when not understood, and can lead to intense feelings of loneliness that may have tragic endings for a Not-Self being. When that mutating pulse is understood and honored, it could instead lead to things like deep inner truth, innovative thinking and insight, intense creativity, radical change, higher knowing, and authentic direction. When you discover the truth about yourself, you are given the keys to unlocking your true potential and living the fullness of a life you were truly born for.

 For 35 years I worked hard at making my life a success, wanting to accept and love myself, but looking in the mirror with unconditional love was just not possible. Rejection of self is a difficult place from which to learn how to behave. The pain from the countless mistakes I’ve made over the years through my trial and error learning process made it truly challenging for me to forgive, accept and love myself without guilt or trying to change anything.

It took heart-wrenching events of deep personal loss for me to really see the patterning of my experiences and to try to break it. Without Human Design to help me understand the program I was living and the reasons for my bitter predicament, who knows how much longer I would have chosen to live here. With Human Design I know I can peel back the layers of Not-Self to begin living as who I truly am and find the sweetness of success that I desire and was born for.

After hitting rock-bottom, I escaped the low-land city life that was not correct for me and moved to the mountains, focusing on being in nature, meditation and studying to get back to myself. Human Design was the major tool that allowed me to finally understand my life and brought the light of hope back into it, allowing me to function again.

With Human Design, I immediately knew I had had finally found the keys to mastering my life and what made other people tick. Now that I’ve been experimenting with the system for a few years, and after being invited several times to write about it, I know I can finally speak up and share my individual knowing to make a contribution.

Honoring the deep call from within to understand the way the world works in terms of the illusion we are living, I have decided to commit my life fully to learning and sharing this work and my process with others when recognized and invited.

The vast majority of you who might be reading this will not need the kind of intense study in Design that I did to see results. All it takes is finding out your Type, Strategy and Authority and beginning your own experiment by testing it to see how it works. Human Design is not a belief system. It is a way of understanding the mechanics of the forces around us that shape who we all are.

As a Projector, I am designed to love and master systems. During my first year of living my experiment and studying design, I experienced major “shattering” of many beliefs about myself, the world and others that I had stubbornly clung onto as truth. It was really hard at times; I felt very confused and there was A LOT of crying!

As a solar plexus defined being, with emotional cognition, I’m a highly emotional person – something I was always ashamed of. Starting as early as a young teenager I was prescribed powerful medications (which I could never consistently take) that just were not right for my sensitive system. Several important people in my life constantly pushed medication on me and sometimes I gave in just to please them. I didn’t trust my emotions and the people closest to me didn’t trust me because of them. They just couldn’t.

As the messenger of Human Design, Ra Uru Hu would say at times after delivering a particular bit of information “It is what it is” or “What to do?” Whether you are emotionally defined and feeling your own powerful waves of emotion or not emotionally defined and amplifying the emotions of those around you, there’s nothing you can do but learn about your design, so that you can understand the mechanics to ride the waves of emotions, “Live Your Design” and through it all, “Love Yourself.” Human Design has shown me how to do that and I know it can do that for you too if you are ready for this knowledge.

No matter what my re-birthed form looks and behaves like, and on whatever mountain she will end up (I am designed to function optimally in the mountains), I finally get what “passenger consciousness” means experientially and I am enjoying the movie of what it is to be human in my own form.

Now I want to ask you a few questions.

Would you like to know who you really are?

Would you like to see your true strengths and gifts?

Would you like to know what your Life Purpose really is?

Would you like to live life as the person you were born to be?

If you answered positively to these questions I invite you to join me on a journey of deconditioning yourself of the negative beliefs and incorrect behaviors that in all probability make up the bulk of who you think you are.

Get your Human Design Chart width= to find out your Type, Strategy and Authority now so that you can begin your own Human Design experiment to truly wake up to what you really are. I highly recommend a personal reading with a professionally trained analyst; all have had at least 3.5 years of deconditioning and intense immersion in the authentic version of this knowledge as it was given to Ra Uru Hu, the original messenger of this work who brought it forth into the world.

There are analysts all over the globe who are dedicated to helping others understand themselves and others. But if you want to investigate this further first to see if it sounds right for you a good place to start is checking out the Introduction to Human Design section of the International Human Design School website.

Whatever path you take, the sooner you understand your design’s Strategy and Authority and implement this understanding in your life to begin your experiment, the sooner you can stop living a Not-Self life and live out your authentic uniqueness.

Isn’t it time to live the life you were designed for and experience the satisfaction, success, peace or surprise that you crave?

A Projector’s Lesson About Prosperity

Wait… Watch … Enjoy the energy … Not everyone is here for you … Stay open … You’ll see…

This is the inner guidance I got when I participated as a provider at a community psychic faire.  I was invited to become part of a local metaphysical community a while back to offer my Human Design and Life Coaching services.  And while I know that my presence holds a valuable space within the community, the money for my work has yet to be steady.  So for now I am planting the seeds of Human Design and practicing my Projector strategy of waiting.

At events like this psychic faire I tend to feel rudderless.  Unless one of the Manifestors in the group introduces me or promotes me I don’t seem to get seen or recognized all that much. I’ve come to accept it because my observations have shown me that I’m only there for certain people… and when we find each other it’s like magic.  There is a recognition, a knowing and that person sticks with me, follows me and grows with me over time. And eventually this causes my business to reach a critical mass where word of mouth kicks in and the income becomes automatic.  It’s a slow trajectory which builds a solid and sustainable foundation.  Now that I know about my strategy I don’t stress too much about the process.

So at this particular psychic faire I was aware of my rudderlessness and intentionally set out to feel good and enjoy myself while waiting.  I didn’t make much money.  In fact I only saw 3 people the first day and none the second day.  To say that my income was spotty is an understatement.  In the past I would have tried to push my way into people’s lives to prove to them that they “need” Human Design.  But that’s not what it’s all about for me these days.  So  since I was really enjoying connecting with the other providers and basking in the energy I relaxed and consciously practiced waiting and watching. What transpired showed me how much I am supported in ways that are so much deeper and meaningful than just money.

The atmosphere was light and joyful.  I started out hopeful that my days would be filled with clients.  I was open and ready to change the world by turning people on to their Human Design strategy… showing them who they really are etc etc etc blah blah blah…..

As I mentioned, I got three clients the whole weekend!  Now in earlier days I would have felt like a failure and the whole weekend would have been seen as a disaster.  I might have even gotten indignant and declared that these things are a waste of time… or I would have strong-armed my way into trying to make more money.  In the end I most likely would have gone home bitter and discouraged… and this would have flung me into days or even months of self-doubt and insecurity.  But this time it was different.  I just stayed open to being my Projector self.

The experience became part of my experiment.  And what I was shown was how prosperity really comes to me when I align with myself and let “what is” be.

necklaceOn the second day one of the other providers came to me with a gift.  She had no explanation for why she was giving me her precious ruby and black pearl pendant … except that the hairs were standing up on her arms and she knew I must have it.  I was touched in the moment .. moved to tears by her generosity.

As I sat in the reading room the rest of the day, watching clients come in and out to see all the other practitioners but me, I wore that pendant with a smile on my face and in my heart.  I sat there waiting and listening to my guidance to stay open and be present.  In my rudderlessness I floated through conversations with some of the other providers and some of the customers and potential clients.   There was a knowing and acceptance that my people were not in that room that day.   

As much as I was ok with it I was still curious as to why the weekend unfolded the way it did.  At the end of the day I went out front to say goodbye and there in the room were some of my clients!  They all greeting me with love.  The magic between us was palpable.  And I was told by each of them how much they appreciate me and how they were planning to get a full session with me rather than the short ones which were offered at the psychic faire.  I also discovered that others were interested in getting longer sessions with me during the week as well. So that was confirmation that the money is coming… in bigger ways than I expected.  That was really cool… but there’s more …

I still wondered about that gift … that beautiful pendant which was given to me by a dear soul who was following her guidance without even knowing why she needed to give it to me or why I needed to receive it.  Later that evening it hit me.  That pendant was indeed a direct gift from the universe… the unseen forces who embrace and support me with their unconditional love. The message went straight to my heart.  … and I was so crystal clear that I teared up all over again at how profoundly rich I truly am.  If I had made just the money, I would have allocated some for my business, some for my household and a little tiny bit would have been mine to spend on me.  This gift was 100% totally mine, and it was given to me in a way that I couldn’t split up, share or divvy up to anyone else.  At that moment I realized my preciousness.  I understood how well supported I am.  And I was reminded that just because “I am”, I am graced and adorned with all that I truly need to be me… That is enough.  I am enough. And I prosper in all kinds of ways.

Discovering what authority really feels like…

Another great post from by Ethan Emerson  www.facebook.com/poeticrhythms

Originally Written April 7, 2012

Pencil with "Y" Circled For YesThe more I still my mind and create spaces for myself where I am thoughtless, the more in touch with my body I become. In combination with using my inner authority to make decisions (Solar Plex) I have been experiencing something very interesting… (I have no conscious access to my emotions, btw).

What I’ve found is that when I am presented with a situation to make a decision on, when my mind is still (meaning I am not mentally processing the decision) I either get hit with an immediate physical feeling that to me is NO or an immediate physical feeling that to me is a YES. Or, I get nothing at all. And I’ve found that getting nothing is what happens when I consciously try to access how I feel. You know, consciously forcing myself to think about the decision maybe by looking at a list of “decisions I need to make” or what have you. The only times I get a YES or a NO are when the subject pops into my mind at random times – unplanned, it just happens. In the shower, while I’m eating dinner, in the middle of a movie. Randomly.

The “YES” feeling feels like an enhanced, fast-paced, intense surge of my own aura for a brief moment flowing in it’s natural state almost like it’s a fast, intense “pulse” of my natural auric energy.

The “NO” feeling feels like a momentary block in the flow of my aura. Like for that moment, everything shrinks into the middle in resistance and it pulses the same physical sensation through my body from head to toe that I feel when I am in a situation where I feel fear.

What happens is that I take, say, a week or two to make a decision. Each day I randomly check-in with myself on the decision to be made. And each time I check in, I get one of the two feelings described above. When I randomly think of the decisions to be made (they just end up in my thoughts) I get hit with the feeling more intensely than if I were to just purposely try to put the decision in my awareness to feel the feeling. Perhaps that’s due to not having conscious access to my emotions. I’m not sure.

But over the last month I’ve been allowing myself to think about my decisions more and more from a place of non-judgment where the thought just enters my mind at random times and I get the intense feeling. But now I’m able to really distinguish what that feeling is – and I’m blown away by the feeling of my own aura flowing at a momentarily increased intensity literally like a PULSE of energy – and I’m just starting to discover this process in a new way.

Previously I would just “test the air” so to speak about how I felt about decisions. But that never worked. I didn’t know how I felt. And it wasn’t until I realized I don’t have conscious access to my emotions did I realize why I wasn’t able to access my inner authority by just choosing to think about my decision.

I’ve found that sitting out in the sun with no purpose helps me in decision making. I just sit outside, soak up the sun, meditate on nothing and it hits me – literally. Maybe this is key for me to allow my decisions to process unconsciously?

And so the journey continues… one day at a time…!

Want to know more about your decision making authority?…..

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Recognize When You’re On the Way to Burnout

For the past few weeks I’ve been hard at work… oh that dirty word for Projectors… “Work”… Yes I do that to maintain and grow my business.  As you may know, the work experience for Projectors is often a very different thing from how the rest of the world experiences it.  Yet it often looks the same.  We Projectors usually need lots of space and downtime as we go about our money making opportunities.  And I thought I was doing that until I had an epiphany!  Last week I wrote this post about that over at the Coaching With Sandy blog, and I think it bears repeating here.  The path to burnout starts out faintly and this little realization may help you to recognize it way before it takes full hold.

Reprinted from www.coachingwithsandy.com

Don’t Ever Take Time Off Because This Will Happen

IT guy's vacationI was having a wonderful day off not long ago.  My usual intake of internet stimuli had been drastically reduced, and I had all intentions of floating through my day with hardly a thought about work.  Surely my business could survive for just 24 hours without me hovering over it, wallowing in it and doting on it.  Well one would think that would be easy right?  After all, my automatic tweets, social media updates and email responses were up to date.  Appointments had been scheduled and confirmed, and I was at a place in my latest creation where I could stop.  And actually I needed to stop and take a rest… do something else, like actually make a meal by using the stove and maybe even do a little gardening to get my hands in the dirt.

So I want to share what happened next with you because I bet it has happened to you.  I got all relaxed… took a leisurely walk, got a massage, and then took another leisurely walk… just because I could… and POW!  I got just relaxed enough that the creative ideas started pouring in.  All those pieces I needed for my next creative project were floating through the wall I had hit just the night before.  Ugh!  I was supposed to be resting and giving my mind and body a break.  Instead I was spending my precious energy trying to resist sitting at my desk and letting it all flow in.  Panic set in.  If I ended my time off early so I could work on this project some more, then I wouldn’t get the rest I knew I needed to actually complete it.  If I just let the ideas flow through me they might not come back in the brilliant way that they first appeared.  So I compromised and jotted down some notes to review the next day.  That satisfied me a bit.  But my mind, which had only just moments before been in a blissful state of relaxation, was in work mode again.  And there was no stopping it this time.  My body also responded to the high alert of this creative download and was ready to jump back in the desk chair, buckle up and ride this thing all the way home.  I did manage to restrain myself from going for it, but in the gyrations that it took to keep me out of the office I had a major epiphany about why this happens and what it means and why it’s a bad idea to succumb to the temptation to work when you need to be resting.

Well it’s probably not news to you that the creative juices get flowing when the body and mind are relaxed.  So I created that situation by allowing myself to relax… or so that’s what logic would say.  And yes it is true, it was the backing off and letting my guard down that actually allowed the ideas to come.  But here’s the epiphany part… The creative flow that I experienced was actually a teeny tiny signal that I was on a slow descent into burnout.  Yes burnout! … that dirty word that makes you exhausted just from thinking about it.  It was a signal that I had not been giving myself enough rest and space on a regular basis.  Sure I was giving myself a day off.  And actually I had been forcing myself to take a day off in the middle of the week to avoid burnout.  But the truth is that if I had been giving myself what I needed to be relaxed all the time, I wouldn’t have had to force myself to rest.  I would have been well rested and in a perpetual state of relaxation.

So what happened was kind of like slowly turning off the flow of water to your house.  I had very subtly shut down the flow of my creative life-force by pushing a tiny bit here and resisting a little rest there.  And when I turned on my faucet by taking a day off, what rushed out was a backlog of pent up creative energy.  You know how when the water gets turned off at your house you turn on the faucet and what had built up comes rushing out?  When you let it run for a while it runs dry.  That’s kind of like what happens in this very early warning state of burnout.  So if I had allowed the flow to continue in that moment it wouldn’t be long until it all ran out.  That’s what burnout is… a lack of flow because the source is depleted.  I was a ways from becoming totally depleted, but if I had not seen this cue and had that epiphany, eventually the core of me would have run dry.

Don’t let this happen to you.  Listen to your subtle cues.  Don’t succumb to your second winds.  Give yourself lots of breaks everyday, whenever you need them, with no hesitation or apologies.  When you do this the big days off won’t be riddled with the rush of backed up life-force which only gets to come out when you force yourself to rest.  Let it flow all the time and give it plenty of space to spread out.

Everyone is designed to work and rest in a different way.  

Discover your unique burnout prevention strategy. – Work With Sandy Freschi